Day one, Renee

Film suggestion:

To Write Love On Her Arms movie "Renee" trailer

 To Write Love on Her Arms is an American non-profit organization which aims to present hope for people struggling with addiction, depression, self injury, and thoughts of suicide while also investing directly into treatment and recovery. This organization is founded by Jamie Tworkowski in March 2006.
 
 Day One (formerly Renee) is a 2012 American biographical drama film written and directed by Nathan Frankowski. Based on the life of Renee Yohe and the founding of To Write Love on Her Arms, the film premiered on March 11, 2012 at the Omaha Film Festival. The film is slated for wide release in March 2015 under the title To Write Love on Her Arms.

About the film:

"DAY ONE" is based on the true story of Florida teenager Renee Yohe (played by Kat Dennings), whose struggle with addiction and abuse inspired the creation and 2006 launch of the non-profit organization To Write Love on Her Arms. In a creative blend of artistic fantasy, music and confrontation with harsh reality, Renee discovers the value of genuine friendships and embarks on a daunting, yet courageous journey towards recovery.

Behind the story

 

“This movie touches on just so many core things that are important in life. There’s such a beautiful human quality to this story, an incredible learning experience to meet people who have been through something like this and then meet them on the other side of it.”

– Chad Michael Murray

 

“This movie reminds that if you know somebody who’s struggling with something—whether it’s addiction or depression or any other problem, maybe you should look outside yourself and reach out. I know it’s easier said than done, but these friends did just that for this girl.”

– Rupert Friend

 

“Another reason why I wanted to do this movie is that it shows that you don’t just go get detoxed, and then go to rehab and you’re all better; it’s not like that. It’s something you’re going to have to do one day at a time for the rest of your life. I think it’s important for people to know that it’s okay to feel like you’re not better as long as you keep trying.”

– Kat Dennings

 

“Rescue’s not possible if you don’t want it for yourself. I think one of the misconceptions about me was that this group of people just found me and came in and saved me. That would have never worked in a million years! Once you want it for yourself, you have to fight for it. You have to make that decision and be willing to do whatever it takes. Then, you can have a community come around and support that decision. But it really starts with you making a firm decision that you want help. I hope that those seeing this movie don’t see that it’s perfect or ties neatly into a little bow at the end. We don’t walk away with any specific ending.
I’m still alive; my story’s still going.”

– Renee Yohe

 

 

Still love u anyway

Christmas is so soon omg! you all ready? I have such a jam packed weekend I am so excited.
I was sick last weekend so I wasn't really able to do much but I'm going out tomorrow night to help with all the decoration thing. I'm actually really not looking forward to the amount I'm going to eat because I seriously love Christmas dinners more than anything.
However, I can't wait to get my new shoes ehe :D


The main things that happened today,
1) Ran for an hour nonstop.       2) completely rewrote my sisters essay.
I love writing essays and i love elaborating.


Anyway, i'm not sure if this is too much but I think I might invite someone to come on Thursday. We're having Christmas dinner at like 4/5 so I'm thinking I might invite someone for a little while. My mum actually suggested it, but I'm not too sure maybe it's too much...
Or i should like text someone or whatever and be like "Merry Christmas you!" and blahblah and then towards the end i'll be like "hey, if you're not doing anything later pass by for a while, traditional English dinner blabla"
LOL i sound like an idiot, but really, what should I do? helppppxx

eye contact

i dont know how i got here but i hope you're the one im searching for.

because ive spent the last two days searching for someone i dont know and someone i kept thinking about. i got to talk to a bunch of assholes to reach the person i wanna talk to, so i think got it? i think i do. just answer this question or me..

where were you on friday night?

Last day alone/Spring break post 1

hey! guess what?? ive turned 16 like a week ago! which means ive been using this site for 2 years already! daaaang!
So,
The past two weeks were amaaazing, ive been going out a lot with new people and eating a lot of junk food which isn't really amazing -lol- and having movie nights every single day/ yeah that's pretty much it. /tidying my bed every morning is a pain in the asssss omg/
As I said, my birthday was a week ago, and my parents weren't in Lebanon. They came back for 3 days just to say happy birthday! im lucky to have such parents. they're lovely.
My friends "surprised" me too! hmm do you want to know why I wrote surprise between quotation marks?? :
It wasn't really a surprise for me haha. I knew every single thing my friends were planning.. I mean im not that stupid I know how my friends act I know them since forever! (I won't write a lot of details about this, but there's so much to say). I really love my friends and I really appreciate what they did for me, I had a great time.
since today is my last day alone, im planning on going out all day.
anyway. im travelling to Amsterdam/Paris next sunday and I cant wait! it's going to be one hell of a trip.

Feeling independent

So ive spent the last two weeks mostly alone, and I realized how hard life is when you're alone. you just sit there in your room with no one around - friends call me sometimes - but it's not the same as if someone is around. Before spending those two weeks alone, I was irresponsible, I admit. Now that im alone, im studying, cooking, cleaning without my mom asking me to do it /cooking is so hard omg, it's not as easy as it seems/. I'm actually surprised. I wake up automatically and tidy my bed - I wasn't used to - wash the dishes of last night, wear my clothes and go to school. It's like a new habit..
I still have two weeks alone, it's a good experience tho.. It made me realize stuff I didn't thought about before..



ANNNNND 22 more day till Amsterdam/Paris trip! Ugh I can't fxcking wait! I'm sure this will be one of the best trips ever. seriously.

xxxxxxxxx

Happy Girl

People don't believe me when i say i'm actually a very happy girl.
The sun is out today and everything is full of life and colour. I'm so grateful for another day I can't even put it into words right now. It's true what they say when you feel happy, you look lovely :)
After a day of thinking that I have no hope in my love life, 3 really cute guys smiled at me more than once and we had eye contact for a while and it made me giggle and blush. I'm really shy sometimes but it made me really happy :)
Also sometimes it takes a bit of effort to look decent enough to face the world and even though it was a little chilly, i wore a colourful top and got into hippie mode, i love it.


Despite all of that though, I've spent the past few days writing in my diary. I am 16 so soon!! oh my goodness, i say it every year but this time it's actually daunting. I'm done some more writing to ease my mind, a lot of it these days is a little dark and lonely but i promise it won't be any more. Do you guys want to see it because I wouldn't mind dedicating a whole post to one of my recent pieces. But it's up to you, let me know :)


Love you all so much, and thanks for the dms and your kind words xxxxxx

crush? friendship? hm.

So, him and I are friends now. Like real serious, public, joke around, talk forever and at 5am kind of friends! It's been so incredible- for me anyway. I don't know where this is leading, nowhere perhaps but this whole friendship thing is so much fun and has been amazing that I can't just walk away.
A couple of weeks ago, he sent me a good morning text, and when I say good morning I don't actually mean the words but starting a conversation at 9am, as soon as he got up. I mean that is a POSITIVE THING isn't it? He also sent me a couple of photos of him high fiving his cats lol. total hottie. Also the other day when I saw him at the gym, him on the treadmill, i went up to him and even though he was running and out of breath we had a conversation and he invited me out to lunch and for a movie( with a friend of his but whatever). We ended up going to an Italian restaurant cause his friend was Italian and it was so lovely. he picked me up and we went and his friend was half an hour late lol- better!
And today, my friend Tamara invited us to watch a football game: Manchester United vs Bayern Munich.
He was there with a group of funny friends. I can't believe this little crush is making me act like such a kid, but we really had fun tonight. I mean.. the laughs, the hugs.. those little things mean a lot.
it's so damn frustrating that I can't deal with it sometimes, but I'm letting him deeper and deeper into my heart, i'm the stupid one to be honest, it's all my fault.
he's lovely.

...just because i dont show it doesn't mean i dont feel it

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting.. Waiting to go home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation.. Nothing is wrong but nothing is right either. And you're tired.. you're tired of everything and tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for onceee, you just want it to be easy. To be simple, to be helped, to be saved. But you know you won't be. but you're still hoping, and you're still wishing, and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You're fighting. Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't go the way you want them to.
I really want to sneak out with somebody. I just want to get up in the middle of the night and spend some time alone with someone. We could go have a midnight snack at McDonald's or just walk around and talk about things we normally wouldn't or maybe we could go enjoy ourselves at a park and play of the swings, or we could climb a roof and just watch the stars in silence. Nothing but just good vibes and good company. I'm the girl who prefers sunflowers instead of roses, who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers, i wouldn't make you wait on my hand and foot, but would do anything to make someone happy, i would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant, i would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who wont make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead.
And you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different. But he ignores you and you like him. He does nothing YET you fall for him. You miss him even though you know he's never thought about you, and you're just sitting there waiting for a call from him or anything. Sometimes guys don't know everything a girl can do for them. A girl can find every single thing related to the guy she likes such as lyrics, quotes, and movies - everything ( ok i admit it. you're the guy all my love quotes are about. you're the one im thinking about right now. cause i really like you. i still like you, i swear, i always will. ). A girl could stay up late in the night just to wait for her crush to get online and talk for a while. Guys have no idea of how many fights we could have had with our parents or friends just to go out or talk to you. You, guys, don't know that girls, would walk a little faster or take different ways at school just to make it "accidentally" way to say 'hi'. Girls can talk about you with anyone and not get bored. Sometimes guys don't know how we could have passed thought tears and pain, just to be okay with them. I wonder how boys feel when they're in love. do they get butterflies? do they have you on their mind 24/7? do they wait for you to come online for hours? do they smile at random times at the thought of you? do they miss you all the time? do they think about the smallest things you say?

I remember once I was alone with him, I opened my mouth, almost said something.. ALMOST!!! The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had.. but I didn't. I think it's one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other, their secrets, their fears, their fav things what they like and what they hate.. literally everything and then they go bsck to being strangers. It's like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really you know everything about them. You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much. I really wanna kiss him and be cute with him and fall asleep in his arms and go on stupid dates but I also sort of want to light him on fire and throw myself into traffic so idk

Do you miss someone?..

There are three ways you can miss someone.

  One, when a person is far away, and you anxiously count down the days until you'll see them again, because you know it doesn't really matter how long you're separated for, you'll be able to catch right up.
  Two, when a person is gone for good, and the only thing you can rely on is the old photographs, texts and memories you once shared, and despite those being able to make you smile or laugh and all you really want is that person to come back.. Do you ever see a picture of someone that you used to be so close to and you just remember everything you did together and all the things you said you would do together, all the late night conversations or phone calls and remember all the good things and bad things both of you have been through together but then you remember that they're now just a memory and they're not in your life anymore.
  And finally the third, is when a person isn't gone at all.. When you see that person everyday, but they've changed, or the situation has changed or your relationship has changed. You miss that person for everything that once was, and even tough you might still be able to see them, it's not, and never will be, the same again. When someone walks out of your life, let them.. There's no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah.. you may miss them now.. But remember that you weren't the one that gave up..

It actually sucks because while writing this, I just realized I really fxcking miss some people.

Have you ever?

Have you ever met someone that they surprised you?

like.. you meet this person, and at first you hardly pay any attention to them.. You may not be at all attracted to this person, but as you get to know the real them, you notice yourself falling.
This person who was once nothing to you has become e v e r y t h i n g.

ALL of a sudden. They're the most beautiful person you've ever met.

it's just funny looking back.. You never saw it coming.. it's just kind of.. happened ?

hmmm..

UNLOCKING THE TRUTH

A.E

I asked her: "Do you love him?"
She suddenly blushed and said: "Sadly, I still do.."

I asked him: "Do you love her?"
He suddenly rolled his eyes, and said: "No. I don't love her no more."

Then... I fathom, it wasn't love. It never was, to begin with. It was lust, not love. It's bizarre how ONE person always falls more.... While the other person does fall..but then.. they forget everything within days and act as if nothing happened. The world is a mystery. People fall for each other. Then, within days, weeks, or months, one person swims out of what was once their ocean of love. And they leave the other person hopelessly suffocating.

A quick letter for Mothers Day

Dear mom,
You know I've told you before that  love writing stuff down, specially on my blog. And I love receiving letters, so I thought I'll write you a quick letter.

Today is your day because 364 days you make it our day. You selflessly care for each of us in ways that only a mother could.
And as the world looks to the woman in their lives that have meant so much to them, I look to you mom and see someone who is worthy of celebrating.

Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you for teaching me how to behave and how to share with others..
Thank you for teaching me about life.
You are the reason why I exist and you are appreciated.
Thank you mom for all that you do because I would be no where without you.

Today the celebration of you does not stop, in fact it serves as a reminder for all the amazing things you do for us each and every day.
Yes, today is mothers day.. but truthfully every day is mothers day, because every day you deserve to hear "thank you" and "I love you".

Happy mothers day! <3

Love,      

Aya.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there. You are truly a blessing to everyone.

I can be serious when I have to be

I've never been the serious person, never been the... let me admit is, adult and lady like.
I've always been and I think I may always be, a kid. No joke.
I absolutely love photographing random things, running around the streets at night and not caring what 'adults' may think, slurping the bottom of my drink, being a messy eater and all of that. I'm not ashamed of it. I love being the quirky, random, sometimes loud, fun and young hearted person. I will always be this person.
But sometimes, you need to be serious.
it's like another world takes over. It's weird isn't it? When you can be two people at once, have two personalities at once. Makes me wonder how many people lie about what they're really like.


Yeah, so that's just me and I'd thought i'd put it out there.

Just a thought..

A thought that always comes into my mind :

When i'm in a car .. I see people and faces ...
I SEE THEM ... But they will never see me .
Or when you're out , and you take the short cut ... you see people. But what if you took the long way?
You would have never seen them .
It's just a weird thing i have going on . I've been thinking about that for the past year or so .

Most of you won't read this..

Either because it's too long or because you don't really care for what I say because I'm really uninteresting most of the time.

My God have I changed.  I don't know if it's only me that is mostly been sent bad luck but things are always happening to me. It pains me to have to blog and write about such negative things because I'm usually very happy and I give off such good feelings and I'm just such a positive person but last night has changed me.


I don't know if I'll remain the person I was once this phase is over but for now I know I am a changed person. I'm running thru a lot of bullshit and negative stuff lately and this one person pops up suddenly in my life and I thought it was something, because I believe everything happens for a reason, like my hero maybe? I'm just an overthinker and this is nonsense I think I should stop thinking about this person for now, but I swear this person is one of a kind... And last night, I had to fight a big man off of me and he only pounced because he wanted his "partner in crime" to be able to get away with my phone.
I don't know if you took away what I just said, but yes, my phone was literally pulled out of my bag. A disgusting hearted man put his hand into my bag and took my phone out. He literally just took it with no thought of how he'd leave me to feel.
I feel like I'm not myself. I had to fight him off of me as he grabbed my wrists and tried to pull me to the ground. Luckily I'm not a wuss and have learned self defense and he got on the ground before I did and I got the security to come.
It was the worst night of my life and I will never be the same again. I hate people sometimes. I went out this afternoon and I realized how different I see things now. I don't trust people and think they're good like I used to. I don't know why I ever thought that way but I did.
I've always been protected and I never thought it would happen to me. But now it has and the tables have turned and it has made me realize how dangerous the world is.

Thirteen

He was crippled, but only his body was cracked.
It's not simple, nor is it an easy matter to explain.
'Let's just leave it at that' she says...
and closes the holy book of lies.
She covers her eyes, denying to herself what she thought happened.

Advice

Can you all see how much I've changed over the years? People try to tell me that they're only minute changes but frankly speaking, I think I'm completely different! My face and hair has matured and even though they might be just very little difference, it makes a tremendous difference..
Anyway, the main reason for this post is to say that everything changes even thought we might not realize it.
People have asked me HOW I've lost 5 kilos... and may I add i surprisingly lost another half...
A lot of people I know are going through weight problems and all of that, and I guess i'm going to save you(the people who want to know) you the trouble of going through years of trial and error diets...
First of all... diets... yeah well, they suck. They never ever work because once you get off a certain diet, you gain the weight again. It's all a yo-yo game.
So here i go, MY tricks are...


1) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE because if you're BORED at home then it is most likely you'll want to snack on something. I've never been a huge huge fan of junk so I guess that has helped me a lot in my life. Don't eat because you are bored. Snack on things like cucumbers or lettuce. I always do and I love it! And if you're a fan of vinegar then you'll be happy to know that it helps burn fat! Wehey. So if you put that on your lettuce then it'll help! And it's like what? Less than 10kcals... so you can eat how much you want! :D


2) GET BUSY! For the paste few weeks, I've actually been doing things like going out and being with friends and I've been really busy packing and sorting out everything... I literally didn't even have time to think about having anything to eat between meals. If though, you want to have something, gum is always a good source... because sometimes you're not hungry, you just want to chew on something...


3) While eating... you need to understand that having more than a plate of food is okay... AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY! You know what I mean? For example you're at a dinner and someone made something really yummy that you really really like... ( Like I LOVE chicken curry SO much!) but the world isn't going to ever run out of it, so just have a decent amount and if you fancy it again another day then have it then... don't drown yourself in it until you can't move.


4) You've probably heard about this SOOOOO many times... but i promise you it is SO true. Do NOT Dehydrate yourself... Have water with you always and you don't need to be thirsty to have water, it's more of a habit. So have a bottle of water with you at any time of the day... and try to finish four!


5) The final and very last thing that has helped me... exercise. I know you're like "bla bla yeah i'm not int he mood for it. i can't be bothered, i'm too lazy. maybe tomorrow." But trust me, the ONLY way to lose the most weight is to literally SHOCK your body. I read that somewhere and ever since I've been doing a lot of running, and every time I push myself a little more... it honest truly really helps.


So anyway i didn't want this to turn into a lecture, but i guess it has. I am so sorry if i sound like a freak or anything but I guess this could be a helping hand and you can listen to me or well, you can ignore me LOL. I don't mind.
HOPE I'VE HELPED OR MADE SENSE...


xx