MAD MAD MAD

sometimes you think somebody loves you unconditionally, but with and in time you learn how untrue that is and maybe the love you once had has suddenly vanished and now it's forced. I don't know how to explain this but there was somebody that was once in my life, and still is... as a "different person", i loved him so much. He was my best friend and family that I could have loved unconditionally, but after a string of events and a thread of nasty comments and arguments, i learned that the love I thought was unconditional is now not.
and it makes me so sad and so mad to know that it no longer exists...
I don't hold grudges, believe me I don't. I'm just sensitive and emotional and sometimes extremely stupid but I know when things are said just to hurt me... i know when things have been said just to pierce my heart and I don't overreact in any way, I walk away and cry in silence. I'm only human, i don't like people seeing me weak, it's one of the things I just can't do, I like feeling tough and people seeing me as a tough person. I can never tell if that's a bad or good trait.
But that's not the point, i once loved a person i now hate
or in other words...
i now hate a person i once loved



hmm makes me really wonder.

/14/
/Aya/  
/Lebanese/ 
/April13/ 

Okay first things first, I don't know how to use this site. *laugh*
And for you here and for the people who used to follow me on my other blog,
You all know a lot about me now as I've pretty much poured my heart out on my blog, each posts tells a different story and I'm easy to read sometimes. But then again, most of the time I'm not easy to "get".
I'm a very complicated person and like many, I'm an overthinker. I'm a dreamer and I spend most of my time with bees in my head, unicorns on my mind. Literally.
I'm a student and consider my 15th year to be the best year of my life. I have long hair and try my best to learn something new everyday, I'm a runner and because of that have went from a size 14/16 to a size 10 in a couple of months. I'm happy nearly everyday of my life, I'm an optimist and see beauty in almost anything.
I love trains and i love photography, reading and writing. I'm one of those people, yes. Letters have to be the best way of communicating and you will find me in jeans half of the time.
I love going for long walks in the cold with my earmuffs on and a friend to talk to. I don't have many friends but have a bunch of best friends that like different things which means I'm always doing something different. My favourite food is my mamas meat and rice but I do love Raison Malt Loaf ha. 
I'm a very lucky girl and very fortunate I have to admit, I'm not spoilt but I'm never deprived. I love getting lost in a good book but I'm also an internet addict, it is really bad actually.
I love my phone. My favourite scents would have to be orange, vanilla and caramel. Oh my god vanilla body wash is the best!!


I've never been in a serious relationship so I never expect anymore. I'm not waiting for anything because I'm so used to the idea of being in love and infatuated with somebody. I like the idea of  butterflies and silly little things that you notice and he doesn't and I love coming home to write about them in my diary.
Oh yes, one of my best friends is my diary, she knows everything. e v e r y t h i n g.


P.S: I'm looking for a penpal. I know that it's weird me saying this because the internet has become such a well known field and nearly everybody uses it, but if anybody reading this is old-school like me and wouldn't mind sharing their address then I'd love to write to you :) Let me know, I swear I'm not a creeper. xx