Last day alone/Spring break post 1

hey! guess what?? ive turned 16 like a week ago! which means ive been using this site for 2 years already! daaaang!
So,
The past two weeks were amaaazing, ive been going out a lot with new people and eating a lot of junk food which isn't really amazing -lol- and having movie nights every single day/ yeah that's pretty much it. /tidying my bed every morning is a pain in the asssss omg/
As I said, my birthday was a week ago, and my parents weren't in Lebanon. They came back for 3 days just to say happy birthday! im lucky to have such parents. they're lovely.
My friends "surprised" me too! hmm do you want to know why I wrote surprise between quotation marks?? :
It wasn't really a surprise for me haha. I knew every single thing my friends were planning.. I mean im not that stupid I know how my friends act I know them since forever! (I won't write a lot of details about this, but there's so much to say). I really love my friends and I really appreciate what they did for me, I had a great time.
since today is my last day alone, im planning on going out all day.
anyway. im travelling to Amsterdam/Paris next sunday and I cant wait! it's going to be one hell of a trip.

Feeling independent

So ive spent the last two weeks mostly alone, and I realized how hard life is when you're alone. you just sit there in your room with no one around - friends call me sometimes - but it's not the same as if someone is around. Before spending those two weeks alone, I was irresponsible, I admit. Now that im alone, im studying, cooking, cleaning without my mom asking me to do it /cooking is so hard omg, it's not as easy as it seems/. I'm actually surprised. I wake up automatically and tidy my bed - I wasn't used to - wash the dishes of last night, wear my clothes and go to school. It's like a new habit..
I still have two weeks alone, it's a good experience tho.. It made me realize stuff I didn't thought about before..



ANNNNND 22 more day till Amsterdam/Paris trip! Ugh I can't fxcking wait! I'm sure this will be one of the best trips ever. seriously.

xxxxxxxxx

Happy Girl

People don't believe me when i say i'm actually a very happy girl.
The sun is out today and everything is full of life and colour. I'm so grateful for another day I can't even put it into words right now. It's true what they say when you feel happy, you look lovely :)
After a day of thinking that I have no hope in my love life, 3 really cute guys smiled at me more than once and we had eye contact for a while and it made me giggle and blush. I'm really shy sometimes but it made me really happy :)
Also sometimes it takes a bit of effort to look decent enough to face the world and even though it was a little chilly, i wore a colourful top and got into hippie mode, i love it.


Despite all of that though, I've spent the past few days writing in my diary. I am 16 so soon!! oh my goodness, i say it every year but this time it's actually daunting. I'm done some more writing to ease my mind, a lot of it these days is a little dark and lonely but i promise it won't be any more. Do you guys want to see it because I wouldn't mind dedicating a whole post to one of my recent pieces. But it's up to you, let me know :)


Love you all so much, and thanks for the dms and your kind words xxxxxx

crush? friendship? hm.

So, him and I are friends now. Like real serious, public, joke around, talk forever and at 5am kind of friends! It's been so incredible- for me anyway. I don't know where this is leading, nowhere perhaps but this whole friendship thing is so much fun and has been amazing that I can't just walk away.
A couple of weeks ago, he sent me a good morning text, and when I say good morning I don't actually mean the words but starting a conversation at 9am, as soon as he got up. I mean that is a POSITIVE THING isn't it? He also sent me a couple of photos of him high fiving his cats lol. total hottie. Also the other day when I saw him at the gym, him on the treadmill, i went up to him and even though he was running and out of breath we had a conversation and he invited me out to lunch and for a movie( with a friend of his but whatever). We ended up going to an Italian restaurant cause his friend was Italian and it was so lovely. he picked me up and we went and his friend was half an hour late lol- better!
And today, my friend Tamara invited us to watch a football game: Manchester United vs Bayern Munich.
He was there with a group of funny friends. I can't believe this little crush is making me act like such a kid, but we really had fun tonight. I mean.. the laughs, the hugs.. those little things mean a lot.
it's so damn frustrating that I can't deal with it sometimes, but I'm letting him deeper and deeper into my heart, i'm the stupid one to be honest, it's all my fault.
he's lovely.