...just because i dont show it doesn't mean i dont feel it

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting.. Waiting to go home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation.. Nothing is wrong but nothing is right either. And you're tired.. you're tired of everything and tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for onceee, you just want it to be easy. To be simple, to be helped, to be saved. But you know you won't be. but you're still hoping, and you're still wishing, and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You're fighting. Sometimes you try your hardest, but things don't go the way you want them to.
I really want to sneak out with somebody. I just want to get up in the middle of the night and spend some time alone with someone. We could go have a midnight snack at McDonald's or just walk around and talk about things we normally wouldn't or maybe we could go enjoy ourselves at a park and play of the swings, or we could climb a roof and just watch the stars in silence. Nothing but just good vibes and good company. I'm the girl who prefers sunflowers instead of roses, who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers, i wouldn't make you wait on my hand and foot, but would do anything to make someone happy, i would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant, i would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who wont make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead.
And you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different. But he ignores you and you like him. He does nothing YET you fall for him. You miss him even though you know he's never thought about you, and you're just sitting there waiting for a call from him or anything. Sometimes guys don't know everything a girl can do for them. A girl can find every single thing related to the guy she likes such as lyrics, quotes, and movies - everything ( ok i admit it. you're the guy all my love quotes are about. you're the one im thinking about right now. cause i really like you. i still like you, i swear, i always will. ). A girl could stay up late in the night just to wait for her crush to get online and talk for a while. Guys have no idea of how many fights we could have had with our parents or friends just to go out or talk to you. You, guys, don't know that girls, would walk a little faster or take different ways at school just to make it "accidentally" way to say 'hi'. Girls can talk about you with anyone and not get bored. Sometimes guys don't know how we could have passed thought tears and pain, just to be okay with them. I wonder how boys feel when they're in love. do they get butterflies? do they have you on their mind 24/7? do they wait for you to come online for hours? do they smile at random times at the thought of you? do they miss you all the time? do they think about the smallest things you say?

I remember once I was alone with him, I opened my mouth, almost said something.. ALMOST!!! The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had.. but I didn't. I think it's one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other, their secrets, their fears, their fav things what they like and what they hate.. literally everything and then they go bsck to being strangers. It's like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really you know everything about them. You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much. I really wanna kiss him and be cute with him and fall asleep in his arms and go on stupid dates but I also sort of want to light him on fire and throw myself into traffic so idk

Do you miss someone?..

There are three ways you can miss someone.

  One, when a person is far away, and you anxiously count down the days until you'll see them again, because you know it doesn't really matter how long you're separated for, you'll be able to catch right up.
  Two, when a person is gone for good, and the only thing you can rely on is the old photographs, texts and memories you once shared, and despite those being able to make you smile or laugh and all you really want is that person to come back.. Do you ever see a picture of someone that you used to be so close to and you just remember everything you did together and all the things you said you would do together, all the late night conversations or phone calls and remember all the good things and bad things both of you have been through together but then you remember that they're now just a memory and they're not in your life anymore.
  And finally the third, is when a person isn't gone at all.. When you see that person everyday, but they've changed, or the situation has changed or your relationship has changed. You miss that person for everything that once was, and even tough you might still be able to see them, it's not, and never will be, the same again. When someone walks out of your life, let them.. There's no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah.. you may miss them now.. But remember that you weren't the one that gave up..

It actually sucks because while writing this, I just realized I really fxcking miss some people.

Have you ever?

Have you ever met someone that they surprised you?

like.. you meet this person, and at first you hardly pay any attention to them.. You may not be at all attracted to this person, but as you get to know the real them, you notice yourself falling.
This person who was once nothing to you has become e v e r y t h i n g.

ALL of a sudden. They're the most beautiful person you've ever met.

it's just funny looking back.. You never saw it coming.. it's just kind of.. happened ?

hmmm..

UNLOCKING THE TRUTH

A.E

I asked her: "Do you love him?"
She suddenly blushed and said: "Sadly, I still do.."

I asked him: "Do you love her?"
He suddenly rolled his eyes, and said: "No. I don't love her no more."

Then... I fathom, it wasn't love. It never was, to begin with. It was lust, not love. It's bizarre how ONE person always falls more.... While the other person does fall..but then.. they forget everything within days and act as if nothing happened. The world is a mystery. People fall for each other. Then, within days, weeks, or months, one person swims out of what was once their ocean of love. And they leave the other person hopelessly suffocating.

A quick letter for Mothers Day

Dear mom,
You know I've told you before that  love writing stuff down, specially on my blog. And I love receiving letters, so I thought I'll write you a quick letter.

Today is your day because 364 days you make it our day. You selflessly care for each of us in ways that only a mother could.
And as the world looks to the woman in their lives that have meant so much to them, I look to you mom and see someone who is worthy of celebrating.

Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you for teaching me how to behave and how to share with others..
Thank you for teaching me about life.
You are the reason why I exist and you are appreciated.
Thank you mom for all that you do because I would be no where without you.

Today the celebration of you does not stop, in fact it serves as a reminder for all the amazing things you do for us each and every day.
Yes, today is mothers day.. but truthfully every day is mothers day, because every day you deserve to hear "thank you" and "I love you".

Happy mothers day! <3

Love,      

Aya.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there. You are truly a blessing to everyone.

I can be serious when I have to be

I've never been the serious person, never been the... let me admit is, adult and lady like.
I've always been and I think I may always be, a kid. No joke.
I absolutely love photographing random things, running around the streets at night and not caring what 'adults' may think, slurping the bottom of my drink, being a messy eater and all of that. I'm not ashamed of it. I love being the quirky, random, sometimes loud, fun and young hearted person. I will always be this person.
But sometimes, you need to be serious.
it's like another world takes over. It's weird isn't it? When you can be two people at once, have two personalities at once. Makes me wonder how many people lie about what they're really like.


Yeah, so that's just me and I'd thought i'd put it out there.

Just a thought..

A thought that always comes into my mind :

When i'm in a car .. I see people and faces ...
I SEE THEM ... But they will never see me .
Or when you're out , and you take the short cut ... you see people. But what if you took the long way?
You would have never seen them .
It's just a weird thing i have going on . I've been thinking about that for the past year or so .

Most of you won't read this..

Either because it's too long or because you don't really care for what I say because I'm really uninteresting most of the time.

My God have I changed.  I don't know if it's only me that is mostly been sent bad luck but things are always happening to me. It pains me to have to blog and write about such negative things because I'm usually very happy and I give off such good feelings and I'm just such a positive person but last night has changed me.


I don't know if I'll remain the person I was once this phase is over but for now I know I am a changed person. I'm running thru a lot of bullshit and negative stuff lately and this one person pops up suddenly in my life and I thought it was something, because I believe everything happens for a reason, like my hero maybe? I'm just an overthinker and this is nonsense I think I should stop thinking about this person for now, but I swear this person is one of a kind... And last night, I had to fight a big man off of me and he only pounced because he wanted his "partner in crime" to be able to get away with my phone.
I don't know if you took away what I just said, but yes, my phone was literally pulled out of my bag. A disgusting hearted man put his hand into my bag and took my phone out. He literally just took it with no thought of how he'd leave me to feel.
I feel like I'm not myself. I had to fight him off of me as he grabbed my wrists and tried to pull me to the ground. Luckily I'm not a wuss and have learned self defense and he got on the ground before I did and I got the security to come.
It was the worst night of my life and I will never be the same again. I hate people sometimes. I went out this afternoon and I realized how different I see things now. I don't trust people and think they're good like I used to. I don't know why I ever thought that way but I did.
I've always been protected and I never thought it would happen to me. But now it has and the tables have turned and it has made me realize how dangerous the world is.

Thirteen

He was crippled, but only his body was cracked.
It's not simple, nor is it an easy matter to explain.
'Let's just leave it at that' she says...
and closes the holy book of lies.
She covers her eyes, denying to herself what she thought happened.